Little Automated Women

After reading the continuing adventures of Mischa and Asy, I felt the need to write a little about the blight on humanity that is automated sexual advances from pretend women. They come from everywhere and piss me off to no end.

The first and easiest to ignore are the spam emails of girls hot for your junk and want you to lay that pipe. Example:

Subject: blonde milf in pantyhose bends over and shows ass

Email: http://www.neverbroghfeelovefigre.com/ playing with huge dildos

Please noone go to that website. I'd hate to have one of you horny mothers perpetuate sites like that. It's pretty clear where that stuff comes from, I've been to my share of naughty sites. THe emails are still really annoying.

Second, I don't know if any of you ever try to chat on yahoo, but they're riddled with automated girls who want you to check out there web cam and are queafing with anticipation. I usually have to cruise to 2 or 3 just to find another actual person to talk to, and then it's just some dude. And there's nothing more awkward then trying to talk a dude into pretending to be a girl and have cyber sex with me, or so Mike says.

Third, and one that gets me almost every time. Myspace friend requests from hot chick who would also like you to check out there web cam. It gets me every time, 'cause I think, hey, I like getting new myspace friends. Hopes crushed once again by these internet floozies.

Fourth, and this is probably just for me, but I've been trying out the whole internet dating thing. Well, a year and 5 sites later I'm still looking for the one. I've been on dates, but it's started to feel like an exercise in futility. On to what I wanted to say, at the site True.com, there is a ton of automation get my hopes up and crush them in one fell swoop going on. They work with the wink system, instead of sending an email, which takes thirty seconds, you can wink at someone and let them know you're interested. Actually, I've found that they're just easier to ignore. But again, I digress, I started getting all kinds of winks from all kinds of women from all over the place. From women that say in their profile that they want nothing to do with me, there's actually a pic of me on one(Not really, but it would be funny, incredibly sad, but funny, mostly for Mike.). Another thing is that I know that none of these women even looked at my profile, so where did these winks come from. I emailed one of the women who I could tell wanted nothing to do with me and asked her if she had winked at me and to please email me back. Stopped holding my breath for that reply months ago. Oh well, the specifics of my internet dating exploits is for another blog.

And if the guy who owns Outerinfo ever crosses my path and I know it's him, I will go medieval on his demonic ass. I'll act like I dropped something, then punch him square in the nuts. When he bends over in pain, he'll be in perfect position for my next maneuver, the DDT. Right into the pavement. And as he's dazed from a cracked skull I'll drag his ass to the curb, make him bite it then curb stomp his ass. Who am I kidding, I'd never do anything like that, I'd push him in front of a bus, might get away with that.